Woohoo: Writers

There is nothing more precious in this world than an imaginative writer (except for maybe a dancing carnival bear). Filled to brim with abundant bounties of the most richly promising stories, the writer is nothing short of a blessing to those who lack a scrap of creativity and crave the warming sustenance of entertainment at their bosom and belly.

A writer can weave stories about the human condition that inspire us to new heights of purpose. Alternatively, they can scare the living shit out of us, redefining our fears and nightmares like never before. Or they can simply get us hot and bothered with hormone-boosting erotica privy to get even the most well seasoned nymphomaniac’s rocks off (Ahh, Sylvia Day, what would I do without you?).

In closing, cherish the writers who inspire you because they are the ones who help you realize the beauty and the majesty of this weird and twisted world we live in.

Boohoo: Editors

They are the butchers of prose and the defacers of your most spirited works. Armed with red fountain pens and fuelled with the dark truth that they themselves are incompetent writers, behold the editor: the great defiler of your favourite poems and short stories.

These godless beasts will strip your work of its well-founded and whimsical intentions, and purge it of its rich vibrant sophistication. They are the very embodiment of necessary evil, as your hopes of being published are hinged on their existence. Rest assured, with the right amount of cunning, these foul odious fucks can be overcome with great tactical writing prowess.

Mark Twain himself said it best, “replace every ‘very’ in your writing with ‘damn.’ Instinctively, your editor will go in and change every ‘damn’ to ‘very,’ leaving your piece exactly how you meant it to be.”