Body positivity is something that I take personally. As a woman who doesn’t fit perfect societal body standards, I needed time to accept my figure. I could look in a mirror and pick apart my body from head to toe, criticizing it for not being a flawless representation of what mainstream media uses to define “beautiful.”

The easy solution is to blame mainstream media for inundating women with endless fashion spreads, and celebrities who are famous for, apparently, no reason other than fitting some arbitrary beauty standard. But I was lucky. I grew up in a home where being yourself was more important than fitting any media ideal.

I was also raised to look at the media with a certain amount of trepidation, continually questioning what it was telling me. I knew that what I saw wasn’t realistic; I knew that all the images were airbrushed to perfection.

As a child, I dealt with bullying over my appearance and other aspects of my character. It’s only in hindsight I realize that what my childhood peers said had more of an effect on me than I thought. For   myself as a 14 year-old, being in public felt like I was being judged for every choice I made — what I was wearing, how I chose to do my makeup. I felt as though at any minute someone was going to say something hurtful.

So instead of wearing the clothes or makeup I preferred, I tried to either blend in with my surroundings, or hide my body as best I could to avoid being looked at. I associated public looks with opportunities to be judged, hurt, questioned for who I am, and I hated myself for it.

I associated public looks with opportunities to be judged, hurt, and questioned for who I am.

Then my life changed, and with it my perspectives. I did have confidence issues during my first year of university, and it wasn’t until I gained close friends while living in dorms that these issues began to dissipate. Every time someone told me I looked good, or I caught sight of my reflection and didn’t recognize who I was, the good feelings about my body began to outweigh the bad.

I gained the confidence to wear my clothes and makeup in the manner I preferred. I gained more confidence to not care about how others perceived me.

I still have days where I just want to stay home and hide. But in those times, I remember the good feelings I had from wearing a certain shirt or shade of lipstick. These memories help me realize that I am my own worst critic and that it never is as bad as I think it is; I can then get dressed, walk out the door, and feel confident about my appearance.

Through my personal experiences, I take issue with people who participate in body shaming, both online and in person. Every body is different; every person is different; above all, every person is amazing. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, but if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s that simple.

Your words can change lives. We should strive to change lives for the positive rather than the negative, and the simple act of complimenting someone goes a long way to doing just that.

So next time you feel you need to comment about someone who does not have a celebrity’s body, stop and think about how your words can have more of an impact than you intended, or how they simply reinforce the lies shaped by that cookie-cutter magazine cover.