A trans* person is anyone whose gender identity does not align with that which they were designated at birth. A cis person is anyone whose gender identity does align with the one they were assigned at birth. Often, cis people are very insensitive to trans* people, which hurts them in ways that cis people cannot comprehend.
This is not usually intentional, in my experience, but due to ignorance. That doesn’t let cis people off the hook; they are responsible for educating themselves. The following is a primer on basic trans* etiquette.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is not to out a trans* person to anyone without explicit permission to do so. As we all remember from high school, word of a person’s supposed deviancy can travel quickly.
There is no way to control who gains access to that information once it is out there and, as in the case of Brandon Teena, this can lead to horrific consequences for the person in question.
The cis world is fundamentally hostile to trans* people. At the very least, it is rude to out someone, even to another trans* person.
I have had to lie often to conceal that a person is trans*, and I have no problem doing so. Most frequently, I have to pretend that the person has always been living as the gender that they live now. For example, I have to pretend that my childhood friend was designated male at birth. This involves pretending experiences he had that are specific to girls did not happen, and ones that are specific to boys did.
The review process will include the Committee meeting with Petter and consulting with the vice-presidents and deans across the university.
At the very least, it is rude to out someone, even to another trans* person.
Given the results for being untruthful or truthful — exist comfortably in a society, or be ostracized by it — I am more than willing to tell a small lie for my friend.
Obviously, this necessitates consistently calling that person by their preferred pronouns and name. To develop this habit, it helps to genuinely think of them as their authentic identity. If you have to stop mid-thought and correct yourself, then do it. It will only make it easier to talk about them without slipping up and potentially exposing them to violence. Consistency is the key to avoiding accidents, which may cause gender dysphoria, the medical affliction that transitioning treats.
If you did not know the person before they began transitioning, and you have only just learned of their trans* identity, do not ask them for their “real” name or if they have had surgery or hormone therapy. They do not all choose to undergo hormone therapy, and even fewer undergo surgery.
Given the common expectation within and without the trans* community to appear cis, asking such personal details contributes to already enormous pressure to fit in with the cis world. Very few cis people would appreciate questions about their genitals, anyhow.
Finally, I cannot stress enough that you ought to treat trans* people as equals. If you find it especially difficult to interact with someone who you know is trans* because of their gender, that is your problem and not theirs. If you are a cis person and found this article too educational in tone, you may not have acknowledged your privilege.
This article is instructive because most cis people I know require instruction in this matter. But when it comes to implementing these tools to avoid hurting trans* folk, it’s up to each one of us.
