SFU Lipdub to start filming, UBC on moon
Excitement is high amongst all three campuses as the long-awaited SFU Lipdub is slated to finally begin filming, 11 months after the release of the UBC Lidub.
UBC president Stephen Toope wished the SFU students luck in the production of their lipdub and regrets not being able to watch in person, as UBC prepares to launch an expedition to the moon.
“We look forward to watching the SFU student population singing and dancing their hearts out, from the array of screens in the UBC lunar exploration dome.”
In response to this, the newly instated SF-Moon club, has vowed to start construction of a space faring vessel, 17 months from now.
Chartwells to begin selling food
Citing a growing demand for a centralized on-campus food provider, the Chartwells corporation, will begin offering food services, as another facet of their multinational presence.
Although the company is best known for their production of poly-propophenylalabutamethylene products and industrial pesticides, Chartwells CEO Josef Buchow told The Peak, “It’s the next logical step for us. You’d be surprised how much of our equipment can be repurposed for food preparation. This rivet stripper, for instance, can debone a chicken in 0.21 seconds.”
“If we can build the tanks that won the Korean War, we can serve a couple of students lunch.”
—Johnny Rockets
First-year challenges presidency
Shock and awe was the general reaction among the gathered crowds last week as first-year Percy Keyes publicly challenged President Andrew Petter to prove his presidency in a contest of wills.
Citing an age-old by-law from the original charter inacted in 1965 when the university was first established, the bylaw itself (14A) states:
“The dominion of the master may be challenged, and by the spilling of blood shall his ownership be rendered null.”
The duel between the two parties lasted approximately three minutes, until Petter bisected the undergrad with a single swing of his great sword. Keyes’ head will remain on display on a pike in the AQ, as a warning to all future challengers
-—Polina Yuvchenko
