<strong>By <a href=”http://159.203.128.194/tag/Gary-Lim”>Gary Lim</a></strong>
Christian clubs consolidate into super club
Spurred by a popular vote from their members, the nine individual clubs devoted to the appreciation and celebration of Christianity have decided to band into a single club. The reasons for doing so range from promoting the concept of brotherhood to running out of ways to combine the words Christ and Campus to amassing numbers for the oncoming war. Though group leaders were vocal that the transition would not be an easy process with new club bylaws needing to be drawn up and the requisitioning of a larger weekly meeting space, but they insisted that through the good book and their mutual hatred of SFU Skeptics they would persevere.
—Gary Lim
Man stubbornly insists he’s not cold
To the confusion of onlookers and passerbys, second-year communication student Suhkpreet Singh was seen relaxing by the AQ pond seemly unfazed by the arctic conditions. Telling the groups of people who asked, “Yeah I suppose it’s a bit cold, but it doesn’t really bother me.” Despite bracing temperatures well below freezing and Singh being clad in only a t-shirt and SFU branded sweatpants, Singh repeated told the askers that the weather was “really not that big of a deal.” Singh then lounged for another 45 minutes, until someone noticed he had frozen to death.
—Zach Zachowski
Faculty of mad science receives record funding
A press release from the Faculty of Mad Science showed the faculty has received the most funding of any faculty in the fiscal year. Although the faculty has still failed to produce a graduand, peer-reviewed paper, or even offer an accredited class, the dean has repeatedly assured the president and administration that their research is of the highest importance, while clutching a vial of purple liquid and laughing loudly. The Peak tried to find any evidence corroborating this, but was beset by carnivorous land-squid. At press time, most of the staff are nursing their beak wounds.
—Allie Albertson
