HUMOUR
All hail the artificial sun
May 13, 2025By: Yasmin Hassan, Peak Associate When I’m driving late at night, and there’s a Ford F-150 beaming its stark white LED deathray high beams at my mirrors, I do not shun away; I assert my dominance by staring directly into the light because I am not afraid. My retinas are troopers, OK? Just like I stare down the piercing white lights from a car, I am NOT scared of the big light in rooms! Society loves to villainize overhead lighting. We are constantly told that it is too harsh, sterile, and unforgiving. People act as though sitting under a well-lit…
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Gossip Peakie: First week on campus
May 13, 2025By: Gossip Peakie Hey Burnaby Mountain dwellers. Gossip Peakie here. Your one and only source for the scandalous and juicy tea being split all over campus. You might be wondering, who am I? First of all, thanks for the question.…
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Student spotlight: SFU wall advocate
May 12, 2025By: Zainab Salam, Correspondent for Misguided Student Movements As Canada’s top university for innovation, it’s unsurprising that SFU attracts visionary students. Today, we’re highlighting an SFU student with the potential to change the world. I am reporting from the Student…
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The case of the missing cat
March 27, 2025By: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective It was a typical afternoon scrolling through my favourite micro-influencer’s Instagram — my barber’s grandma’s neighbour’s dog Leroy, when I noticed something truly peculiar. The caption on a post from 12 weeks ago featuring a…
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A guide to thriving as a regular guy
March 27, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Minister of Sarcastic Affairs Dear Justin, It’s the end of an era, buddy old pal. In your nine years in office, you put the “Justin” in every viral social media post shared by boomers who had major…
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Horoscopes March 24–30
March 24, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Feeling guilty about only going to two out of 11 weeks of classes? It’s alright; there are just a few more classes to miss — you’re nearly getting there. Good…
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The Peak investigates: Maple Syrup Gate
March 20, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Investigative Journalist As an investigative journalist with The Peak, I have taken it upon myself to investigate the most harrowing and shocking secrets hiding behind the asbestos-filled halls of SFU. Let me warn you, it isn’t pretty.…
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Behaviours I refuse to take part in
March 18, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor YouTube keeps recommending I watch this video essay about how hobbies are the new commodity/fashion trend, but I cannot be asked. It’s probably an excellent commentary video, but I’m too busy engaging in my favourite…
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Never have I ever: Public transit edition
March 11, 2025By: Osna Hadef, SFU Student Is it just me, or has Metro Vancouver’s public transit system gone to the dogs lately? All while the fares are expected to keep rising? The sheer audacity, man! Before diving into more complaining, I…
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Top five WWE moves to destroy ChatGPT
March 10, 2025By: Mason Mattu, professional AI assassin I may be a News Writer for The Peak — but on the side, I am a professional AI assassin. This week, I called ChatGPT down to my brother’s toy action figure WWE ring…
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