Horoscopes
Horoscopes are back
December 18, 2025By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate Aries (March 21–April 19) Go lay in grandma’s lap, tough guy. You deserve it. If you don’t have a grandma, any scruffy-looking dog will do. It’s gotta be scruffy, though. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Stars are aligning in a way that hasn’t happened in 2 million years. With this new luck on your side, try a backflip . . . you may end up in the hospital, but . . . wait a second . . . is that a vision of Pedro Pascal doing your X-rays? Gemini (May 21–June 21) Your sign makes you…
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Horoscopes March 24–30
March 24, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Feeling guilty about only going to two out of 11 weeks of classes? It’s alright; there are just a few more classes to miss — you’re nearly getting there. Good…
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Horoscopes February 17–23
February 17, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 “It’s private, but no.” The stars think you should spend more time telling nosy people to mind their business, and then still answer their questions. Taurus April 20–May 20 “Um, Shabana.…
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Horoscopes: Lunar New Year edition
January 27, 2025By: Izzy Cheung, Arts & Culture and Sports Editor Snake 1965 (Us???), 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025 Snakes, 2025 is going to be your year. Want to know why? Since this year is the year of the snake, it’s time…
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Horoscopes January 13–19
January 13, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 This week, you will wake up all motivated to go to the one required lower division course you have ignored for two whole years. Then, as you wash your face,…
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Horoscopes January 6–12
January 9, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 I was gossiping with the stars about you, and they said that you’re stubborn, so you’ll probably think you’re invincible all year. Close your damn incognito Google flights tab. The Boeings…
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Horoscopes December 2–8
December 2, 2024By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Your laptop is full of unfinished assignments, and that’s OK! What’s more merry and bright than cramming in last-minute papers and exams worth your entire grade? “Catchup Queen” is your middle…
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Horoscopes November 12 – 18
November 21, 2024By: Manal Kashif, SFU Student Aries March 21–April 19 Let’s be honest: Aries are the pursuers in any relationship because of their headstrong attitude. You know who else doesn’t stop until they get what they want? The popular girl in…
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Horoscopes November 4–10
November 6, 2024By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Stop and smell the flowers, err . . . pet the raccoons. But seriously, just relax. You’re getting too far ahead of yourself these days. You should take a step back…
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Horrorscopes: October 28 – November 3
October 28, 2024By: Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 Aries! The Karens of fall. You have just awakened in time for spooky season and are entering your natural state. Be aware not everyone is like you! They won’t care when…
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