It’s fucking simple: How to NOT spray your fellow transit riders with your yucky umbrella water

By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor It’s 8:10 a.m. — I just woke up literally an hour ago. I’m crinkling up the aluminum foil which once...

Pineapples defy new pizza permission policy

By: Maya Papaya On Friday, Burnaby witnessed its 67th protest concerning pizza purist legislation. Bill C-XX, a provincial law restricting the allowed composition of pizza...

The Peak investigates: Students falling down the stairs from Blusson Hall to the AQ

By: Heidi Kwok, Investigative Journalist-In-Training As a wannabe-investigative journalist, I was determined to follow in the footsteps of my predecessors at The Peak Investigates column....

Survival guide: post-holiday edition

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Diva After the holidays, everything sucks. I love the part of winter when all I do is stuff my face with...

Hallmark presents: Love on the Mountaintop

By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and an executive producer with Hallmark  MAGGIE BENSTON CENTRE - REGISTRAR SERVICES DESK  SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY  HOLLY is conversing with REGISTRAR OFFICE...

The Clausgate Scandal: How Big Beverage tried to cancel Christmas

By: Zainab Salam, Reporter in Hiding  By the time the headline “Santa Claus Hates Everyone” ricocheted across the internet and news outlets, the world had...

I give a guy a chance . . . and look what happened

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Diva I just got back from a date, and . . . wow. There might be a lot of fish in...

How long will Carney’s government last? We asked a tea leaf reader

By: Ashi, Multiverse 538.10.1.4’s top-grossing divinator  How long will this government survive? Read on to find out! Remember to follow my TikTok for exclusive digital...

Reimagining Shakespeare: The campus is but a stage

By: Zainab Salam, Opinions Editor Jess: a fourth-year student, burdened by ambition and Wi-Fi issues. Advisor: a keeper of bureaucratic riddles, and a destroyer of hopes...

Men’s washroom etiquette 101

By: Akashdeep Dhaliwal, SFU Student So here’s when it all started. In September of my first year, I walked into an SFU men’s washroom for...