By: C Icart, Humour Editor
YouTube keeps recommending I watch this video essay about how hobbies are the new commodity/fashion trend, but I cannot be asked. It’s probably an excellent commentary video, but I’m too busy engaging in my favourite hobby these days, puzzling pretending I am not at all worried about the state of the world. In the spirit of staying distracted so I don’t spiral, here are random topics I’ve decided to feel really strongly about.
Increasing the thermostat when not even wearing a sweater
Emotion this elicits in me: confusion, sometimes rage
Is it cold, or are you dressed for Caribbean weather in a Canadian basement in March? Y’all have gotten soft! You crank the heat up to 24 degrees in your house because you’ve never paid for utilities in your life.
Asking the bartender to make your drink “strong” but you don’t want to pay for extra liquor
Emotion this elicits in me: embarrassment
Leave the poor bartender alone. The menu lists how much alcohol is in the drink. It’s not some sort of secret. They cannot give you extra for free just because “last time [you were] here, the drink tasted like juice.” If you can make it better, there are multiple BC Liquors on the way home. Now, I need to tip 25% to compensate for your shenanigans.
Patronizing restaurants that are not open seven days a week
Emotion this elicits in me: hunger (for the purposes of this conversation, hunger is an emotion)
This one is fully my fault. The restaurant website does, in fact, say they’re closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. BUT (hear me out) WHYYYYYY. I don’t stop wanting a little appetizer-main-dessert-two cocktails moment just because some guy at some point in history made up the days of the week. It’s raining, I’m already here, OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR.
