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Student Updates: The tuition deadline is approaching!

Humour
Peak Web
Peak Web
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ILLUSTRATION: Courtesy of The Peak

By: Thievius Raccoonus

Changes to our unique grading scale?

While the most desirable grading scale goes up to 4.0, our innovative institution uses the 4.33-point scale. Why exactly did we decide to do this? Because we fucking hate you. However, we have realized over the years that students are frustrated with this grading scale. We are excited to announce that there will be no changes to the grading system, so good luck trying to be an academic weapon (you will be a water gun at most unless you decide to sacrifice your mental health). 

Keeping tradition alive 

We are excited to announce that tuition will be increasing!!! Domestic students will see an increase of only 2%, whereas international students will see an increase of 4–6%. We understand it is a tough time economically, especially for students (I’m sure the cost of pencils, flash drives, and floppy discs has gone way up with inflation), so we have kept the increase relatively low. Did we need to increase tuition? Absolutely. Increasing tuition has been a long tradition at SFU, and not continuing it could actually constitute a sin.

A message from our president

Hi, I was wondering if anyone wanted to take pictures together? This year has been quite the PR disaster for me and I really want to make it seem like I have the support of the student body. I don’t exactly plan on listening to your concerns, but I really do need to take some pictures with some students. Maybe we could pretend to play a game of table tennis, or you can pretend to laugh at a joke I just told. We can even do what the hip folks are calling a fit check? I also wanted to take some time to acknowledge that these are tough times. The cost of housing is high, tuition isn’t getting any cheaper, and a lot of students are facing job insecurities. Thankfully, none of that is happening to me. To support students through these tough times my PR team has drafted the following mantra: “keep calm, push through, and please don’t sue.”

Joy (not exactly bringing it Johnson)

President, Vice-Chancellor, background extra casting director 

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024