By: C Icart, Humour Editor and Yasmin Hassan, Staff Writer

Dear Peakie, 

I’m in my main character era. I love it when people watch me walk into lecture one hour late with my oat vanilla latte. I walk through the front door so I can strut right in front of the professor. I also make sure to make multiple people stand up so I can sit in my preferred seat in the middle of the row despite the other more discreet seats available. Anyway, I don’t really even have a question for you because I’m too iconic for that. Instead, I have an instruction: Validate me. 

Sincerely, 
It’s not rude when I do it 

Dear It’s not rude when I do it,

I get you. People sitting around you in lecture should already know that seat is your unassigned assigned seat. You deserve as much! At some point during any semester, you stop caring about unspoken rules of showing up on time to lecture or sitting in any farther available seat as quickly as possible, and that’s alright. You’re spending your energy, time, money (because I know that oat vanilla latte cost you at least $8), and academic prowess to be at university. Your presence is probably what the lecture hall is missing, so, in all honesty, they should be thankful to be graced by your fashionably late arrival.

XOXO,
Peakie gets it

Dear Peakie, 

In light of recent events, my feeds are flooded with people claiming they’re moving to Canada. But how can this be true if “Canada” is nothing but a colonial fantasy and the “border” is just lines random white men drew on a map? 

Decolonially, 
I’m still scared for the next federal election though

Dear I’m still scared for the next federal election though,

I’m totally with you there. Who knew fall 2024 would be characterized by TWO great migrations? One up north towards a so-called Canada run by monopolies who show up to Pride parades so you can’t criticize them. And the other from Twitter to Bluesky! Anyways, the conversation about borders might be a bit too advanced for people who think it’s acceptable to finders, keepers their way through life. It’s the natural order of things, really. First, you make up the border, and then you make up a department and name it after a meme coin! 

Biting my nails with you, 
Peakie

Dear Peakie, 

I guess this is more of a question for the SFU Snap App, but I’m already here. When I get off the bus at the Transportation Centre and want to go to Convocation Mall, should I cross the street into the big empty space with the piano, or is there a secret way to get in through the parking lot? Don’t worry, I can keep a secret. 

Best, 
Trying to reduce my step count

Dear Trying to reduce my step count,

Going up those flights of stairs humbles me every time I try to get to Convocation Mall from the bus stop. However, legend has it that a pack of raccoons will sometimes scamper through the Central Parkade, trying to forage for thrown away trash and whatnot. While our furry friends may seem unsuspecting, if you bribe their leader with a half eaten farmer’s wrap while continuously making eye contact with them, they will escort you through the parking lot all the way to the flights of stairs that lead directly into the mall. These valiant beasts are like SFU’s version of Minecraft dolphins.

Sincerely, 
Peakie