Written by: Kitty Cheung
It is often difficult for the busy student to maintain a healthy, balanced diet. We at The Peak have nobly compiled a Student Cookbook for all of you shitty cooks out there who need a little help in the kitchen.
Academic Noodles (yields 1 serving, but this recipe can easily be doubled, or quadrupled. The study group that dines together flunks together)
– 1 pkg ramen (any flavour; I recommend Samyang Fire Noodles for that extra kick)
– 1 egg (straight from your own ovaries)
– vegetables, protein, any toppings of your choice (for that extra nutrition, anything green works: broccoli, bok choy, a Shamrock Shake, American dollars, leprechaun sweat)
- Boil water.
- Tear up that ramen package like it was your last term paper.
- Pour the contents of the sodium-saturated flavour packet into the water. Let the granules disintegrate like your chances for success in today’s job market.
- Place noodles in soup. Let soften for 3–4 minutes. Stir with chopsticks or fork.
- In a separate pan, fry your egg while your noodles are cooking. Sunny side up is the most Instagram-worthy, but let’s face it, you won’t be bragging about this meal to anyone on social media.
- Transfer soup and noodles to bowl. Add toppings of choice. For some extra fibre, why not throw in some pencil shavings and sprinkle the ripped shreds of your most recent exam over top? Nothing like the taste of failure.
Kraft Dinner Supreme (yields 2–3 servings, so you can take the rest to school the next day, you lonely fuck)
– 1 pkg Kraft Dinner
– 1 butter (or margarine, bacon grease, sebum, any fat of choice)
– 1 cup of milk for a nice soupy texture (almond, soy, cow, you probably have experience milking your prof for those pity marks so you won’t have trouble finding this)
– enough ketchup to drown out the flavour (essential for any kind of mac & cheese)
– more cheese (if you’re feeling bougie)
– any other kinds of vegetables, protein, etc. that you’re feeling (i.e. diced tomatoes, sautéed onions, spinach, toss a microwaved Pizza Pop on the side for more of that processed-food-induced nostalgia)
- Boil water.
- Pour in the dry macaroni. Stir occasionally for about 7–8 minutes — the same amount of time as what you spent studying for your midterm last week.
- Just like how those tuition dollars are going down the drain, strain your macaroni.
- Stir in the fat, milk and cheese powder.
- Add your ketchup, veggies, protein and/or extra cheese.
- Grab a fork. Scarf down your mac straight out of the pot while hunching over your notes. Study hard, champ!
BONUS RECIPE: Spruced Up Take-Out
- Grab your favourite take-out food: McDonald’s chicken nuggets, pad thai, fried rice, naan, burritos, poké, anything.
- Arrange your delicacies on a plate at home to try to cover up the fact that you splurged on another bowl of poké for the fifth time that week.
- Garnish with love and care. Pro-tip: sliced green onion makes everything look prettier, even those chicken nuggets.
- Light a candle.
- Treat yourself. Fill your belly to compensate for the emptiness of your wallet.