By: Winona Young
CBC has reported that the number of interracial marriages has steadily increased over past decades. This ought to come as no surprise as Canada is known for its multicultural nature; according to the article, “[currently] 22% of Canadians belong to a visible minority,” so it is only logical that relationships between people of differing ethnicities would have to start to integrate themselves into the new normal.
However, with the rise of interracial relationships, a number of questions arise. Are they different from same-race relationships, and if so, how? Does the presence of more interracial relationships signify a turn for a more diverse, respectful nation?
While such diverse relationships prove that love across racial and cultural boundaries is possible, they do not prove that racism is extinguished. Individuals can be racist, even if they are in interracial relationship.
Every relationship I have been in, ranging from casual hookups to official dating, has been interracial one. I acknowledge, though, that I am an outlier of sorts, given that I left my home country at a young age, and have been an international student since kindergarten. With that said, I have seen all kinds of interracial relationships, and I have noticed a few common patterns.
I have heard many people (including a few exes) say, “Well I don’t see colour — I just see people.” While that sentiment has good intentions, I think a better, and significantly less dismissive adage to live by, is “I recognize the race and culture of others, but I do not let racial stereotypes affect my judgement.”
There is a hot debate over whether or not professing to have a racial preference in partners is racist. Since online dating and dating apps have come into fashion, more and more people are being open with what, and specifically whom, they’re attracted to.
On Grindr, an app designed for gay male users, a common line found in bios is “No fats, no fems, no Blacks/no Asians.” Interestingly enough, in heterosexual circles Asian women are so often coveted that such a preference has even been called “yellow fever.” The dating site SwirlMingle even allows users to filter potential dates based on their race, which accommodates such type of searching.
Some argue that such preferences is just ‘knowing what they like.’ But when a person’s racial profile is a determining factor of whether or not a relationship can work, it’s clear that race ‘colours’ one’s judgement.
Failing to acknowledge the multifaceted nature and dimensions of race in a relationship is wilful ignorance. Speaking as a person of colour, while race doesn’t define a person it can be an integral part of someone’s identity. This sentiment also extends to the friendships you have to friends who are persons of colour. You can listen to Kendrick Lamar, know how to pronounce phở, think Riz Ahmed is cute, and still be racist.
Obviously, not all individuals in interracial relationships are outright racists. Nonetheless, because our culture rests on racist foundations, we have to find a balance of acknowledging the necessity of recognizing race in interracial relationships while refusing to play into the harmful stereotypes that may surround those ethnic identities. This is why I’ve compiled a list of questions you can ask yourself if you are in an interracial relationship.
When you first saw your partner, what specifically attracted them to you? Was it how light- or dark-coloured their skin was? Their body type? Do you know your partner’s cultural background? Do you know to court them respectfully in the context of their culture? What kinds of racial jokes do you make to your partner, if any? And if you do, what aspect of your/their own race do you joke about?
Racism remains a difficult topic to discuss with others. But it is an aspect of our relationships which we need to be able to address. If we choose to ignore or dismiss the prejudice inherent to our interactions with others, by claiming not to see colour or by citing our partner’s skin, we just enable undercurrents of racism to continue undetected.
