Famous philosophers and their fetishes

Thales: Watersports

  • First in the western canon, first in the sack. Thales thought water was the only element. Show him how right he is.


Friedrich Nietzsche: Strangling

  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and the meaninglessness of the universe strangles us everyday anyways.


Immanuel Kant: Anal

  • After all, humans are always an end and not a means.


Ludwig Wittgenstein: Bugs

  • Is that a beetle in your box, or are you just happy to see me?


Michel Foucault: Flogging

  • Discipline and Punish your way into his heart. 


Jeremy Bentham: Voyeurism

  • He may not be watching you all the time, but you’ll learn to act as though he always is — and he’s probably rubbing one out, too. Call it the Panopti-cum.


Mary Wollstonecraft: Dom/sub

  • She loves it when women come out on top.


Socrates: Sensory deprivation

  • He knows that he knows nothing, especially what you’re going to do to him.


René Descartes: Wax play

  • His shape, texture, size, color, and smell may change, but he’ll always have extension, if you know what I mean.


Albert Camus: CBT (cock and ball torture)

  • All he wants to do is be crushed by Sisyphus’ boulder.


Karl Marx: Master/Slave

  • The proletariat may be a slave to the bourgeoisie, but Karl is only a slave to you.


Thomas Hobbes: Furries

  • We’re all animals in the state of nature, baby. Let’s make it nasty, brutish, and short.


Marquis de Sade: BDSM

  • Too easy.