Go back

12 Days of Finals

On the first day of finals
The stress brought to me:
At least one mental breakdown.

On the second day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the third day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the fourth day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the fifth day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the sixth day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the seventh day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Seven cups of coffee
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the eighth day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Eight more readings
Seven cups of coffee
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the ninth day of finals
The stress brought to me:
Nine hours of Netflix
Eight more readings
Seven cups of coffee
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the 10th day of finals
The stress brought to me:
10 weak excuses
Nine hours of Netflix
Eight more readings
Seven cups of coffee
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the 11th day of finals
The stress brought to me:
11 late assignments
10 weak excuses
Nine hours of Netflix
Eight more readings
Seven cups of coffee
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdown.

On the 12th day of finals
The stress brought to me:
12-page papers
10 weak excuses
Nine hours of Netflix
Eight more readings
Seven cups of coffee
Six snack plates
Five failing grades
Four study groups
Three hours sleep
Two-day extension
and at least one mental breakdooooown.

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Read Next

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...