Hi, I’m Bernice, and I am a Christian. I go to church on Sundays, read the Bible, and believe that a guy named Jesus loves me. Now, I get a lot of curious inquiries about my faith, and while I have some great conversations, some things come up that are downright hilarious. Here are a few things that people have said to me upon finding out I am a Christian:

• “So, Jesus was a zombie since he rose from the dead, right?” I get it. Some dude rises from the dead and all we think about is whether he is comprised of rotting flesh and has an appetite for brains. The fact is, though, that Jesus knew he was going to die and rise again because he loves us. So, he’s a predestined zombie, which makes him way cooler.  Take that, The Walking Dead!

• “Wait, you’re not allowed to fuck?” There’s this magical thing that humans have — it’s called free will. I made the choice to not have sex until marriage and this vow was not forced upon me by some almighty deity who declared, “Thou shalt not fuck!” Hope you understand that, boo.

• “Church must be so boring — how do you stand going every week?” While I would love to chug alcoholic beverages and hook up with strangers, I enjoy actually functioning on Sunday mornings. Also, my church sets up their service inside a SilverCity movie theatre, so I get to go to a free epic concert on a movie theatre stage every weekend — with free food, of course.#BurstingStereotypeBubbles2K16

• “The Bible is bullshit!” [Proceeds to rant against Christianity for 30 minutes] Gee, I would’ve loved to have a respectful two-way conversation about my faith and listen to why you disagree with it, but I guess you took the “I’m going to tear your beliefs apart without letting you get a word in edgewise” route instead. Welp, OK then.

• “Christians are preachy and self-righteous AF.”  Many people think that we are high and mighty and think ourselves better than everyone else, when we really aren’t. If you have ever met a Christian who has reinforced this stereotype, I am sincerely sorry, and I hope you whooped their ass off their imaginary pedestal.