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Grace N. Howl on SFSS Campaign Trail ‘16: The Surrey Campus Screw Job

Humour
EIC
EIC
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Hello SFU,

I cannot believe the sheer nerve that some of these self-proclaimed “politicians” have. How dare they neglect carry on the debate without my presence there? Do they not realize that there is an empty chair for me? It is common courtesy to wait for every person to arrive so that we can all passionately sing the anthem of SFU before starting.

Besides, I don’t just debate with any ordinary Joes. I’ve debated with Joe Biden on climate change and the war on terror! They should have waited – no, they should have sent out a SEARCH PARTY when I didn’t show up. Where could she be, they must have wondered. I’ll tell you where I was: TOO BUSY DOING IMPORTANT THINGS! I don’t have time to sit around a listen to you all whine about busses and books. I can’t even recall the last time I set a Christian Louboutin heel in one of those disgusting things.

So when I finally showed up, no one was there to greet me, no one was there waving their flags and sporting their “Make SFU Great Again” hats. Where is your spirit, people?? I don’t want to lead an army of ghosts to greatness. I’m surrendering my time and effort to help you and your little causes, and you thank me by leaving me behind? How rude.

In the end, I decided to have a bit of a debate with some of my supporters in the Mezzanine of the Surrey campus. Evidently, they weren’t super supporters at all because one of the weaklings actually called security on me. I could not believe the audacity they had to manhandle me the way they did, those monsters. What’s even more laughable was that one of them called me, ME, a monster under their breath. What are you, a little girl? Yeesh.

Whatever, it’s Surrey’s loss. I have Vancouver debates tomorrow, so I’ll destroy them there.

Grace N Howl

*All documentation has been personally received by Rachel Wong*

Want to learn more about Grace N. Howl’s campaign? Click here.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society