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Political party promises that all of their promises are in fact lies

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OTTAWA – The CCP (Completely Corrupt Party), who share no affiliation with the Chinese Communist Party or the Confederacion Campesina del Peru, has announced its promise to only promise lies, and states that all previous promises have been lies.

Analysts are calling this a groundbreaking promise that could change the way politics is done forever.

“Imagine, if you will, that instead of forcing you to read between the lines, instead of making you have to think about it’s and come to the conclusion that it’s too good to be true, they just tell you that it’s straight up is a lie,” explained political pundit, Harold Tritz. “It’s a way more efficient way of lying, it doesn’t have to be so secretive anymore.”

Despite this initial enthusiasm, many other experts are skeptical. The CCP was only founded two weeks ago, and as such has not even made a promise that they could break.

“It’s pretty easy to make a promise like this if you have no promises to break,”explained ex-fringe party politician Harvey Bess, “but really, maybe you will have a lie per three promises or maybe even a 76 per cent lie rate, but 100 per cent? Those are bold words from a rookie.”

“If he promises that all his promises are lies, then this promise in effect must be a lie, thus creating a paradox,” stated a former professor of philosophy. “If I were a betting man, and in a science fiction movie, and this involved time travel, I would bet on a time-space paradox that would kill us all, or at least prevent Marty McFly from ever being born.”

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society