Thousands feared dead in plane crash by imaginative, pessimistic man

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PHOENIX, AZ — Although no casualties, injuries, or even plane crashes have been reported in the state of Arizona recently, according to the imagination of one incredibly frightful pessimist thousands could been dying right now.

John Kirkpatrick, a 54-year-old man with a lot of time on his hands, is apparently afraid that thousands of people could’ve died in a plane crash during most hours of the day. In the past Kirkpatrick has feared significant death tolls from imagined hurricanes, mass shootings and distinctly remembers waking up on September 11, 2001 with the chilling feeling that hundreds of people had died in a shark-related tragedy.

While Kirkpatrick’s fears are often misplaced, he is always in a constant state of fearing some sort of massive scale tragedy but, somewhat surprisingly, is not afraid of his own death in the slightest.

“When it happens, it happens, there’s no point in worrying or even thinking about it really” Kirkpatrick told The Peak before drifting off in terror thinking about dozens of people who could have died in a  freak tobogganing accident somewhere in the world this week.

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