HUMOUR: Build SFU team abruptly stops SUB project, claims “it’s just not fun anymore”

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BURNABY — Despite being really excited when they first got the idea and were just playing around with ideas, the Build SFU team has reportedly cancelled the SUB project to “do something else, something fun.”

According to those who have been watching the group closely, the SUB project seemed to be going along fine, as Build SFU members enthusiastically talked about all the things they were going to put into the space before things turned for the worse.

“Restaurants, comfy couches, arcade games” were reportedly talked about in their meetings just a few weeks ago by excited Build SFU members without taking breaths as they ran around the room jumping up and down, writing on the walls of their fort (nicknamed the Think Tank) with magic markers, making giant posters and playing with their ‘really cool model of SFU that has a little AQ and everything!’

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, everyone involved in Build SFU got tired and just quit.

“I don’t know what happened exactly, they were all smiles last time I saw them,” third-year student, Frank Danstro told The Peak in a disappointed tone. “I thought they really liked SUB building.”

According to sources close to the Build SFU students, the group did like SUB building until it took a sudden turn for the worst last week when they were joined by the architects they had hired, Perkins+Will.

“From the first question, it seemed obvious that this wasn’t going to work out,” said second year business student Tom Fergus who sat in on the meeting.

“The architects just asked what their vision for the SUB was and they immediately all starting wildly yelling all at once ‘THE SUB WILL BE MY PLACE TO THRIVE’, THE SUB WILL BE MY PLACE TO NETWORK’,  it wasn’t a very  good way  start . . .”

Once the Build SFUers were calmed down and they started to discuss the more practical elements of the SUB, things started to get even worse.

“I remember Perkins+Will were trying to talk square footage but the students just kept asking if they could get pool tables, which then reminded one of them about air hockey tables and then foosball and on and on . . .” Fergus continued shaking his head, “I think they finally gave up on the SUB after they asked the architects ‘oh can we get a slide . . . UBC’s getting a slide . . . come on, please, please, please!’”

After Perkins+Will politely rejected the slide idea, it became clear that the students weren’t really all that interested in actually building a SUB building and their over-tiredness started to show.

“Oh, can we get a slide . . . UBC’s getting a slide! Come on, please, please, please!”

-Build SFU team to architects

“There were a lot of tears and a few temper-tantrums, but in the end they just decided that building a SUB was ‘stupid’ and ‘not fun anymore’,” explained an executive for Perkins+Will. “I’m not sure if any of them will be back, maybe they just need to sleep it off.”

While Perkins+Will and the university are fully prepared to go on without the students involvement — but still using their money — they’ve threatened the Build SFU team saying that if they don’t get their act together they won’t be building “the Treehouse” that they had been asking for.

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