No NHL hockey pool? No worries.
NEW BRUNSWICK (CUP) — The Elite Ice Hockey League (EIHL) has most things. It has rinks, hockey teams, players, money, and the best thing about hockey, hockey. However, it lacks one important thing: fantasy hockey. Despite uncertainty over whether or not my friends and I could carry out our dreams as armchair general managers for fantasy hockey, we decided to jump ship to the United Kingdom’s premier hockey league.
On the opening day of the EIHL season, two friends of mine, Marshall Thomas and Bryce Works, created the first annual EIHL Fantasy Hockey League. With team names like “Five for Tea Time” (Thomas), “London Silly Nannies” (Works), and the “Titty Ho Express” (myself), we dived head first into the world of English hockey. Titty Ho is an actual town name in England. Google it.
How are our teams selected? We each get to select two goalies (standard), but the forwards and defense get a bit trickier. We picked six forwards and four defencemen and tracked their point totals. Since the league is apparently full of players who like to beat the crap out of each other (this year’s leader in penalty minutes through five games is American Hockey League dropout Benn Olson with 99), we also picked an additional three forwards and two defencemen to score points based solely on penalty minutes, with players scoring one point for every five penalty minutes.
The EIHL has no big name talent. Heck, games are on weekends, and the players hold down part-time jobs in the week. Regardless, I developed a solid system for selecting my players. I was happy to select Stuart MacRae from Sydney, Nova Scotia, who played with the Devils. These Devils aren’t from New Jersey, but Cardiff. I also selected a forward to count penalty minutes who happened to be named Jeff Hutchins, only because his name resembled Geoff Hutchinson, my co-worker at The Argosy last year.
I also selected Sylvain Cloutier based on the fact that he is related to former Vancouver Canucks goaltender Dan Cloutier. One also can’t forget the Israeli superstar Maxim Birbraer, who is currently the only player from the Middle Eastern country to be drafted in the NHL (the New Jersey Devils drafted him 67th overall in 2000.) The steal of the draft went to Marshall, as he randomly discovered that former Moncton Wildcats goaltender Nicola Riopel signed with the Dundee Stars.
Of course, this league isn’t perfect, and my lack of knowledge made my team suffer. My top defenceman, Jeff Mason was supposed to carry my defensive core. Nope, turns out he’s playing in Switzerland this year, whoops.
Are we crazy? Maybe, but we need our fantasy hockey fix. Lockout or no lockout, we are going to get our fantasy hockey fix. The powers that be can take away our hockey, but just like in 2004–05, we will find alternatives to satisfy our cravings. Instead of watching the Washington Capitals, we’ll watch the Edinburgh Capitals; the Florida Panthers become the Nottingham Panthers; and the Philadelphia Flyers become the Fife Flyers. It’s as simple as that. Over there, players aren’t doing it for the money; some of them are even coaches.
I think this is just the beginning for EIHL Fantasy hockey. All aboard the Titty Ho Express!
