January Horoscopes

Photo curtsey of Pixabay
Written by: Alannah Wallace, Peak Associate

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You will learn to cut down on your morning routine by wearing the same shirt to bed as you wear to class every day and realizing you can pull your sweatpants over your PJ pants for your 8:30 a.m. classes.

Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

You tend not to engage in campus events, clubs, or talk to fellow students, while instead sitting in your dark and cramped dorm for days on end. With the moon in full cypress this semester, things can only get worse when you leave the house. Draw the blinds, stock up on canned soups, and don’t go outside!

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Finances may seem tighter than usual this semester. Try to find ways to cut down on groceries. Remember, the less you move, the less precious energy you will waste.

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

An overwhelming realization will come over you that Cs get degrees.

Aries | March 21 to April 19

This will not, in fact, be the semester you actually start doing your readings.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

With your moon in hyper-blueberry this semester, you will have an urge to become healthier only to realize there is never a free treadmill at the SFU gym and the produce section at Nesters Market is constantly picked over at the start of the year.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Starting off 2019 with an air of optimism, you will try desperately to make friends in class this semester only to realize that other students don’t want to talk. They just want to go home.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

You will develop a strange and persistent cough.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

With your creativity soaring this semester, you will attempt to start the club of your dreams. The topic will be slightly obscure, but remember, the Picnic Club is already taken.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

There will be three moons in Saturn this month, meaning time is not on your side. Buy a scooter to commute across campus so you can stop being late to lecture.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You will develop a strange and mysterious crush on that student across the lecture hall who you happen to make constant eye contact with, and then awkwardly glance away about 40 times a class.

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Try to reduce the amount of times you brag to other students “yeah, I have OCD” when they point out your colour coded notes. The other students will talk to you more.