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Of mutton chops and men

Humour
Peak Web
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Settle down and snuggle up with a facial-haired fella like this hairy hunk.

Winter’s approach — perhaps faster than I would like — means different things for different people. For some, it means comfy sweaters, sipping hot drinks without sweltering, and fleece onesies; for males of the species, the colder weather leads to a tendency towards growing facial hair.

To say that I love facial hair is an understatement. Beards, moustaches, chin curtains, ducktails, or hulihees, facial hair is arguably my favourite thing. Men who can pull off facial hair in the least are glorious, though I believe everyone should try growing a beard at least once in their lives. Finding my love of facial hair hard to understand? Here are a few of the many benefits to sprouting facial follicles.

1. If I’m drunk and I want to kiss you, there’s something to guide me to your mouth. Like landing strips of the face.

2. One word: Movember. A dirty moustache is one of the prime forms of facial hair. Why not keep your upper lip warm and happy while raising money for a good cause?

3. When well cared for, it can be quite soft.

4. Lumberjacks are a West Coast girl’s dream. Ready for some rudimentary facial hair arithmetic? Plaid flannel + beards = a winning combination. Bonus points if you can also build a log cabin with nothing but your bare hands.

5. Makes you look older and more mature. If you have baby face, then you don’t need to worry — and neither do I.

6. In a moment of deep or reflective thought, you can rub your face without looking completely mad. You’ll actually look wise while doing so.

7. You’re probably not shaving as much, which means you can allot more time to my appreciation of your beard. I can also borrow your razor because mine is horrible.

8. Your general mouth region has more things to incorporate during any upcoming oral presentation, academic or beyond.

9. Food still left on your plate, or want to save some for later? Take it to go a la beard.

10. Emphasizes your jaw line, which we know is the most beautiful of naturally occurring lines.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society