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The Straight Medicinal Dope

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EIC
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If you’ve been following the news, or have a Google Alert for the words “medical marijuana,” you’ve probably been hearing a lot about medical marijuana recently. Apparently, the rules surrounding it are changing or something; it might be illegal, I don’t know. The point is you need to get informed about it and learn the cold hard facts about medicinal dope. So here it is, everything you NEED TO KNOW about medicinal marijuana.

Conditions Treated with Medical Marijuana

Contrary to what you may have heard, medical marijuana isn’t just for people suffering from “not being high” and is in fact prescribed to reduce pain for a number of real ailments.

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Dispensaries

Dispensaries are the name for medical marijuana stores. They sell a range of differently-named forms of marijuana, all with their own unique benefits much like you will find when purchasing antibiotics. They also sell terrible-tasting cookies and brownies. No one knows why, it’s just tradition!

Side Effects

Unfortunately, medical marijuana-use isn’t all fun and games like Xanax or Methadone. There are 3 known side-effects to frequent medical marijuana use.

1. Memory Loss

2. Poor Counting Skills

Slang Terms

Medical marijuana goes by a lot of different names out on the street, here’s a few you should learn.

1. Medical Weed

2. Medical Pot

3. Medical Reefer

4. Medical Chronic

5. Medical Dope

6. Medical BC Bud

7. Medical Ganja

8. Medical Puff

9. Medical Mary Jane

10. Medical Cannabis

Types of Medical Marijuana Plants

Sativa

Recognizable as a tall and slender leaf, sativa medical marijuana has more THC (Total Highness Concentration) and gives patients the energy and inspiration to finally finish that 3-D puzzle they’ve been putting off.

Indica

Indica is shorter and fatter in appearance than a sativa plant. It also has more CBD (Chill Baked Degree) which makes patients mellow enough to enjoy the movie “Here Comes the Boom” but also makes them so sleepy that they miss the last half-hour.

Maple

Although it is the most commonly found form of medical marijuana in Canada, Maple Leaves have been proven to be almost entirely ineffective as a medicinal product despite countless reports from 12 year olds who “totally got stoned” off of them.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society