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How to eat a banana non-sexually: A handy guide.

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1. Do not make eye contact with anyone, and do not fully close eyes when biting into the banana.

2. The banana must move towards your mouth, not the other way around (i.e. you should not have to bend over to eat the banana).

3. When bringing the banana up to your mouth, it must come up vertically, the banana must not come into the mouth horizontally

4. Absolutely no obvious tongue action when it comes to eating the banana, we can not stress this enough

5. And last but not least, act confident when eating a banana. Don’t act like you don’t do this often or that you’re embarrassed. Own your confidence; own the banana.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society