By Gary Lim
Dear Mr. “Mystic” Gary Limbinowitz,
This is the final notice you will be receiving from Santech Power. Your residency has failed to pay the outstanding charges on your electricity bills for the past three (3) months.
We have attempted to contact you several times through mail and by phone, but as of March 5, 2012 we have yet to receive a response. As we have stated several times before, if full payment is impossible, we have several flexible payment plans. Failure on your part to either pay the balance or contact a Santech Power representative will result in electricity being shut off from the listed residence.
Regards,
Bill Meyers
C.E.O. Santech Power
Dear Mr. Meyers,
I must say your letter has taken me by great surprise, like the noble cockroach when it finds its way into your cornflakes.
As for you query, I am afraid I do not understand. Electricity? What use would I have for that? Clearly I am but a humble Asian mystic who lives atop the High Mountains in a dirt-floor shack dispensing advice to those who would scale the treacherous cliffs to seek my sage wisdom. Or those who read The Peak.
From this, I can only surmise that you must have me confused with this other person. But being bound to an oath I made with a magic owl hundreds of years ago, I must do all I can to help you resolve your plight.
Anyways Mr. Meyers, I can entirely sympathize with your plight. Matters of money lighten the pockets, but burden the soul. But if you would take a moment to reflect, you may have realization that perhaps this person who refuses to pay their power bill, is doing you a great favour.
You see, your insistence on funds will not lead to future happiness. The central tenet of Buddhism is that suffering brings pain, so by repeatedly skipping out on their debts this person, whomever they may be, is actually helping you achieve true happiness through inner peace and enlightenment. Which might I add is easily worth a couple months of free electricity. Again, not that I would use that or necessarily know what it is.
As the cicada’s song draws still when the hawk nears— you guys probably aren’t buying this are you? Crap.
May your heavy pockets cause you to sink to bottom of the Yangtze for all time,
—Mystic Gary
