French

Go back

Stuff We Hate: January 30th 2012

Humour
EIC
EIC
1 min.
0
921

Handshakes
By Gary Lim

I absolutely despise handshakes. I mean it’s 2012 people, why do we still insist on greeting one another by awkwardly flailing our upper appendages at one another?

Apparently it’s a gentlemanly show of respect, but let me ask you something, how gentlemanly is it for people who’ve never even met to begin contact by groping one another’s hands? I mean you don’t even know where their hands have been. The other person could’ve just finished god knows what and now they standing there, hand reaching out ready to wrap their fingers around your hand like some kind of fleshy straightjacket.

Not to mention the crushing number of social dictates you have to keep in mind.  How many pumps? How hard do I clench? Is it supposed to be this sweaty? No seriously, is it supposed to be this sweaty? God it’s like prom night all over again.

 

 

 

Printers
By Janice Turnblad

No, no you asshole. Just print, that’s what you do right? You’re a print-er, as in a machine that prints things. You’ve been making the “I’m printing something” noise for 10 minutes now, but I have as of yet come out of you.

Also if you flash that “PC LOAD TRAY EMPTY” one more time . . .  Empty? Empty?! I’ve practically loaded the entire pacific rainforest in there; and don’t even think about “TONER LOW.” I’ve changed cartridge six times this month. How do you even use that much toner? I print 10, maybe 15 pages of notes a week.

So help me god printer,  I will find a way to travel back in time and I will murder Johannes Gutenberg, father of the modern printing press. I don’t even care about the effects on the future. Do you hear me printer? I will FUCK. YOU. UP.

Oh, so now you’re printing. That’s right, you know who’s boss. Double-sided!? You son of a bitch.

 

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

SFU debuts new Black Student Centre

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Content warning: brief mention of police brutality. Last month marked the opening of SFU’s Black Student Centre, a project more than four years in the making. Advocates such as Dr. June Francis first set out to create the space in 2021 after the university signed onto the Scarborough Charter on anti-Black racism and Black inclusion. The charter was born out of a series of forums hosted in 2020 by the University of Toronto, featuring representatives from schools across the country. The product of these dialogues was four principles acting as guiding structures in the pursuit of anti-racist institutions: Black flourishing, inclusive excellence, mutuality, and accountability. Included in the charter is a recognition of the importance of “constructing affirming, accessible spaces” for...

Read Next

Block title

SFU debuts new Black Student Centre

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Content warning: brief mention of police brutality. Last month marked the opening of SFU’s Black Student Centre, a project more than four years in the making. Advocates such as Dr. June Francis first set out to create the space in 2021 after the university signed onto the Scarborough Charter on anti-Black racism and Black inclusion. The charter was born out of a series of forums hosted in 2020 by the University of Toronto, featuring representatives from schools across the country. The product of these dialogues was four principles acting as guiding structures in the pursuit of anti-racist institutions: Black flourishing, inclusive excellence, mutuality, and accountability. Included in the charter is a recognition of the importance of “constructing affirming, accessible spaces” for...

Block title

SFU debuts new Black Student Centre

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Content warning: brief mention of police brutality. Last month marked the opening of SFU’s Black Student Centre, a project more than four years in the making. Advocates such as Dr. June Francis first set out to create the space in 2021 after the university signed onto the Scarborough Charter on anti-Black racism and Black inclusion. The charter was born out of a series of forums hosted in 2020 by the University of Toronto, featuring representatives from schools across the country. The product of these dialogues was four principles acting as guiding structures in the pursuit of anti-racist institutions: Black flourishing, inclusive excellence, mutuality, and accountability. Included in the charter is a recognition of the importance of “constructing affirming, accessible spaces” for...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024