By: Maya Barillas Mohan, Staff Writer and Mason Mattu, Humour Editor
Political canvassing is not for the faint of heart. When some fellow leftist organizers I work with asked me to go doorknocking, I almost said no. But, what the heck, I thought. Carney’s inaction on literally everything is so, plainfully obvious. So I thought. I ended up being so scared I could only knock on one house a day.
First house (day 1)
Plush, neatly mown lawn. Hopefully these residents weren’t ignoring water restrictions. With those new AI data centres, they might have to get used to it . . .
Me: Carney is proposing a pipeline to “deliver oil to global markets.” These pipelines hurt Canada more than they can benefit it, don’t lower the cost of our domestic gas prices, and threaten clean water supply for Indigenous communities and polluting environments through spill risks.
Resident #1: Stop, stop, stop. La, la, la. I don’t wanna hear that. Your elbows are dangerously low right now you maple MAGA, anti-Carney, Poilievre supporter.
Me: Ma’am, I’m literally an environmentalist with a shrine dedicated to Naomi Klein on my left beside table and one dedicated to Bernie Sanders on the other . . . mind you, these shrines touch the wall because of how small my shoebox of a room is. Anywho, I’m just getting the pen ready for your signature . . .
Resident #1: Bernie Sanders?! I don’t associate with sympathizers with the American regime. Anyway, I’m Canadian, do you mean pencil-crayon???
Second house (day 2)
OK, new day, new door! This one has a big Canadian flag. The bigger the truck, the bigger the Canadian flag, eh? This must mean that they are conservatives, and conservatives are a heck of a lot easier to talk to than these elbows up cult warriors, even if we disagree on almost everything.
Me: You may have heard about Carney’s invocation of section 107 of the labour code last summer, which empowers his government to end strikes. He forced flight attendants back to work hours after the walkout began. We need to protect union workers and their right to collective bargaining.
Resident #2: Why is that a bad thing? Flights are scheduled wayyy in advance, and no one books flights for fun! Everyone had somewhere to be. It’d be a huge disruption.
Me: Are you saying your annual vacation is somehow non-negotiable, essential work? I — nevermind.
Resident #2: Wasn’t the cancelled strike for Air Canada? Carney’s protecting Canadian jobs!
I don’t think this person understands how strikes work.
Me: Well, no. This “big-tent” party risks some incoherence trying to cater to many different groups. I wouldn’t say section 107 caters to the group of workers or other protected classes though.
Resident #2: I mean, what can we do? His approval’s at 70%, so I have to support him! Wanna join the elbows up bandwagon?
Sigh.
Third house (day 3)
This one’s a subtle townhouse with no patriotic emblems in sight. I might finally collect a signature!
Me: Carney’s pipelines may threaten orca populations. Orcas are already in danger, and they’re an important cultural icon. I’d like to collect your signature if you oppose the pipeline too.
Resident #3: If these whales are the cost of a strengthened economy, what really changes for Canadians? Besides, my cultural icon is Elias Pettersson.
Me: How could this project strengthen Canada if it harms the natural environment and beauty that BC is known for?
Resident #3: The pipeline isn’t going to change the mountain range view from my balcony, so . . .
I should just give up and move to frickin’ Spain.
