By: C Icart, Humour Editor

BC election day is coming! Sure, our provincial election campaign news doesn’t have assassination attempts, coconut tree x brat remixes, and unexpected drag throwback pics, but that doesn’t mean it’s not exciting. For example, BC United has dropped out of the race. Isn’t that wild? Oh, you don’t know what BC United is . . . The only Canadian politicians you know are named Justin Trudeau, Pierre P-something, and Stephen Harper . . .

I’m sure you’re just not giving yourself enough credit! You know local politicians. Like Ken Sim, our mayor! Oh, you didn’t know Vancouver had a mayor . . . You thought we didn’t need one because of the monarchy or whatever. Well, we do have one! He, like, shotguns beers and builds office gyms and stuff.  

Anyways, back to BC United, they’re a provincial party running in the upcoming elections (oops sorry, they were a provincial party running in the upcoming election). Oh, you thought there were only two parties: Liberals and Conservatives . . .  I’ll leave the link to an article explaining the four parties’ (oops, three) platforms right here.

Basically, you’re not even that far off! BC United = BC Liberals (no affiliation with the Liberal Party of Canada because Canadian politics wouldn’t be fun if they weren’t atrociously confusing). Remember when Mr. Musk rebranded Twitter to X, and no one called it X, and actually people were making fun of the rebrand and also just flat out not using Twitter anymore? Well, it’s kind of like that. BC United candidates started defecting to the Conservatives.

And the tea gets hotter. One night, the BC United leader, Kevin Falcon (Big Bird for those in the know), had a terrible nightmare! He dreamt that an evil force was out to get him and his loved ones. That evil force was none other than the BC NDP! So, he decided to withdraw from the race and endorse the Conservatives who are led by John Rustad (Sir Rusty to his closest friends). This is so wild because two years ago, Big Bird kicked Sir Rusty out of BC United because he’s a climate change denier! Oh how the turntables . . . 

So, now that you know all the drama are you going to register to vote? We’re in the final stretch and the Conservatives are neck and neck with the NDP (the Greens are around too). Everyone’s begging for your vote (I heard you’re into that). What are you more afraid of, the colour orange or contributing to making our planet uninhabitable? Oh, you’re an international student and you can’t vote? Sorry for wasting your time . . . Still spill all the juicy details to people who are eligible to vote. Thanks bestie!