Santa Claus

The Clausgate Scandal: How Big Beverage tried to cancel Christmas

By the time the headline “Santa Claus Hates Everyone” ricocheted across the internet and news outlets, the world had already begun cancelling Christmas. Children sobbed into their half-eaten gingerbread men. Christmas influencers rebranded as “seasonally ambivalent creators.” One particular parenting blogger recommended replacing Santa with a “more emotionally available snowman,” noting that Frosty at least “shows up when he says he will and respects boundaries.” But as any good investigative publication knows, when a story smells fishy, it usually isn’t because of herring snacks at the North Pole. And so began our descent into what we now refer to as…

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