There’s nothing scarier than shelling out moolah for a Halloween costume you’ll wear to Fortune Sound Club and then never again. Pro tip: avoid anything too long because you will fall up and down those stairs. With Halloween being on a Saturday this year, here’s some costume ideas for the whole weekend with stuff you probably already have.
Gift card found loose in pocket
Disappointment and fear feel very similar, especially in the cases of in-class essays and the moment when the cashier checks the balance on an old giftcard. You can stir this complex emotion in those around you by simply wearing all red, like a Tim Hortons gift card. They were allegedly too broke to pay for a thoughtful graphic design, so you can copy it with ease.
Real estate agent
Probably a good pick for Beedie students. This genius fit requires a smart suit set and posterboard with your likeness, and your phone number printed on it. Maybe put your Instagram handle on the sign instead of a developer website. I heard condo presales are down . . . but your street cred will go up because nobody’s going to question “what exactly” you are dressed as. And your enemies? They’ll fear you because you possess something they’ll never have, even if it’s fictional — a house in Metro Vancouver.
Costco hotdog
Nothing in this city is $1.50 . . . except for a good ol’ Costco dawg. This can be easily converted into a couples costume if you somehow have a partner that’s willing to dress up like a paper soda cup (or bottle of water). If you’re in a throuple, you can have the third be the Costco lady who checks your receipt.
2019 is now far away enough in the rearview we can start calling it “nostalgic” instead of “dated.” Cowrie shell necklaces, chunky sneakers, velvet scrunchies, and even Hydro Flasks were destined for the landfill the second haul videos hit the ground. Even if bleaching your front strands never comes back into vogue, you might as well give your Brandy pink cheetah top another moment to shine. I know you still have it somewhere. If you don’t, it’s time to go digging through a landfill in the Philippines (the final resting place for all of the waste VSCO girls generate).
Axe body spray
This is a good costume if you’re the life of the party. You won’t have to rely on sight for others to know you’re in the building, or even within a 500 meter radius of it. The olfactory system hosts the strongest memory recall cues, right? Make Halloween unforgettable!
Gorpcore poseur
If you are going to a club, wearing Gore-Tex is never a bad idea. If someone splashes a drink on you, your costume is safe underneath your hardshell. Even if said hardshell is the costume, it’s fine. It just beads right off bro it just beads right off. It just . . . beads right off . . .
Backrooms (2026) dweller
It was the movie of the summer. Unlimited liminal square footage becomes a whole new kind of horrifying when you have to heat the space. You probably have some broken furniture (especially if you live on residence). It’s a great chance to wear mismatched, to-be-donated-but-I-never-got-around-to-it clothes. You’re not being frugal, you’re appreciating popular culture.
Generic rockstar (cough, Sombr, cough)
I warned you about the long pants, but I am afraid some snazzy flares are nonnegotiable. Tease your hair up fluffy, put on a funky belt, the more rhinestones the better. Act like you’re Ozzy Osborne even though you have the voice of a dying theatre kid. Singing optional.
If all else fails, put on your bathrobe and charade as someone who has the time for self care.
