“Mansplaining isn’t a real thing.”
Oh yes, please tell me all about how your personal experiences as a heterosexual, cisgender man are an accurate representation of how society treats everyone. Oops, I mean . . . I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your interruption as you clearly have the authority over this topic since you’re the all-knowing man. Please, continue.
“I don’t date feminists.”
Well, good for you, feminists probably don’t want to date you either. That’s probably why you made up and/or are perpetually stuck in the “friend zone.”
“Don’t be crazy.”
Unfortunately, I don’t have the sufficient funds to recreate Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” music video. If I did, then you could call me crazy! Who cuts their cake like that? What a waste of perfectly good cake! Anything less than a full-blown reenactment of that music video probably isn’t crazy.
“Are you on your period or something?”
Maybe I am, punk.
Whatever you said is still offensive regardless of whether I may or may not be shedding copious amounts of blood and uterine lining — which is pretty badass in itself.
“Feminazis.”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t see the connection between genocide and advocacy for social, political, and economic equality for women. Maybe you should put down your Mountain Dew and think before you take out your sexual frustration by belittling people on the Internet.
“We don’t need feminism because we already have equality!”
Please excuse me while I put my eyeballs back into their sockets — they fell out because I rolled them with too much vigour. Perhaps current events aren’t your thing (in which case I don’t know why you’re reading a newspaper), but the news will certainly inform you of myriad equality issues that people everywhere face daily.
“You’re not like those other girls.”
A half-assed compliment that belittles my peers? Come on. You don’t know me, maybe I am like those “other girls” and maybe, just maybe, I am far worse. Maybe I’ve committed floorcest, maybe I’ve slept with more people than I can count on my fingers, maybe I haven’t done anything and I just watch trashy rom-coms. But what difference does it make?
“She’s been around,” “She’s used goods,” “Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway,” or anything else that alludes to a woman’s personhood being determined by her alleged sexual history.
She can do what she wants with her body, and that has nothing to do with your silly hot dog toss. Why are you throwing them around? It seems very wasteful and inconsiderate to those walking in the hallway being subjected to your flying wieners.
“Women aren’t funny.”
“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
Humour is subjective and so is your shitty opinion.
