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Woohoo, Boohoo

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Woohoo: Natural Selection

Ahh, natural selection — not just that unit of biology you slept through during high school, but so much more! I know it sounds like a boring nature-centric Songza playlist you’d hear at a shoddily-run YMCA yoga course, but really it’s the reason we live on such a diversely radiant planet filled with distinctive cultures of animals, plants, and people.

It’s because of natural selection that giraffes have freakishly long necks and we have platypuses to laugh at. It’s because of natural selection we are no longer defacing cave walls and flinging our crap at one another. And while the system isn’t flawless for rooting out the stupidity of some, just remind yourself the gene pool is just a generation or two away from being purged of your Uncle Mickey’s horrible toilet humour.

Boohoo: Class Selection

The seconds are winding down to the deadline and you are poised at your computer desk, ready to pounce. You finger floats atop the return key waiting for the moment to arrive. An antsy finger clicks frantically on the mousepad and refreshes the page at the pace of a discharging AK-47.

The time is just under 60 seconds — both dread and excitement bubble within you. Your chosen classes for the semester lay nestled in your interactive goSFU cart. They begin to call out to you like the song of the siren, exciting and enticing you to their low workloads and high participation percentages.

The analog numbers above your unused geography textbook hit their target. Index finger collides with the computer key! The enrollment gates are open: HIGH HO, SILVER! AWAY! Take what is yours, young undergraduate! The die is cast and these courses are — taken. Son of a . . .

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society