TORONTO — Popular crack-smoking, alcoholic mayor, Rob Ford, is in hot water this week after he was spotted not picking up after his poodle on the streets of his neighbourhood in Etobicoke.
“He just let the dog go right there on someone’s lawn” explained Steve Johnson, a neighbour of Ford’s who claims to have witnessed the heinous event. “And to think, I voted for that guy, you know the guy who goes around and lets his dog do its business on other people’s lawns and doesn’t clean it up . . . it’s just common courtesy.”
These sentiments were echoed across, not only his community but also the entire city of Toronto which is in an uproar over the actions of its believed to be squeaky-clean crack-addict mayor.
“I don’t care what you do on your own time,” explained another neighbour who wished to remain anonymous, ”but you can’t just do that kind of stuff in public.”
Several council members have already called for Ford’s resignation following the dog-business scandal. “How can there be trust?” exclaimed councilman John Fillion during a media scrum last week. “How can you trust a man who doesn’t clean up after his dog to run a city!”
When reached for comment, Ford initially denied the claims. Upon being told there was video evidence however, he changed his tune.
“I can’t comment on what I haven’t seen. But, hypothetically, how can we be sure that it was really what they claim it was?” Ford reasoned with reporters. “Maybe it was a leaf. Like I don’t have to pick up leaves do I? Maybe it didn’t come out of the dog’s butt. Maybe it was just the angle, you know?”
The controversy has been a real blow to Ford’s credibility after managing to raise his approval rating by five per cent thanks to the discovery that he had smoked crack.
The crack-move was seen by many as revitalizing Toronto from their stuffy “no-crack city” image and also connected him to local youth through his willingness to seek out new experiences.
While there is a persistent rumour that the “crack video” was not in fact Rob Ford but an impersonator hired by the Ford campaign and also that the popular stories of Ford’s public drunkenness were also fabricated by his team, without any evidence of his innocence, it may very well help Ford escape this dog clean-up controversy unscathed.
Although it is still unknown how this event will affect his chances for re-election, according to recent polls his supporters are apparently still behind him.
“All these claims are baloney, I’ve seen him around here, trust me I know the real Rob Ford and he’s got my vote” explained one Torontoite and crack-enthusiast, Sleazy Dave, “It was probably just a leaf or something. I know he wouldn’t do something like that.”
