Go back

Woman accused of witchcraft demands right to a fair burning

Humour
EIC
EIC
1 min.
0
821

witchburning

YE OLD BURNABY — A local woman accused of witchcrafting around campus has reportedly announced that she deserves a thorough, detailed and fair burning before being denounced as a witch.

The woman, a third year alchemy student at Ye Old Simon Fraser University, was accused of first-degree dark magic after she was discovered with a broomstick in her quarters but is now claiming she is entitled to a civil and lawful public third-degree burning.

“I know I’m not a witch and I’m willing to go to the stake to prove it,” the alleged witch told Ye Old Peak last week. “When I’m unable to use magic and burn up and die everyone will see that I was innocent the whole time!”

While others have even gone as far as to say that the woman deserves a fair trial, similar to what those witches got in Salem except fair, since objectivity in newspapers doesn’t exist yet I’m just going to say that she is definitely a witch and should be killed.

I mean she did have a broom, I can’t see any reason why a woman who’s not a witch would ever have one of those!

Originally printed in the Peak’s Humourous Section in 1692.

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

Threats to water security trigger emergency declaration by syilx Okanagan Nation

News Peak Web -
By: Tomos Land, Staff Writer Editor’s note: The Peak spells nsyilxcən words in lowercase in accordance with syilx language holders who say that capitalization implies a hierarchy of importance, which does  not align with syilx ethics.  Growing water insecurity, driven by climate change and its cascading effects in BC, has led to a recent declaration of a watershed emergency by the syilx Okanagan Nation Alliance (ONA). The alliance is a First Nations government “comprised of seven member communities in the Southern Interior of BC: Okanagan Indian Band, Osoyoos Indian Band, Penticton Indian Band, Upper Nicola Band, Upper and Lower Similkameen Indian Bands, and Westbank First Nation; and in Northern Washington State, the Colville Confederated Tribes,” according to the ONA website. The announcement comes after members of...

Read Next

Block title

Threats to water security trigger emergency declaration by syilx Okanagan Nation

News Peak Web -
By: Tomos Land, Staff Writer Editor’s note: The Peak spells nsyilxcən words in lowercase in accordance with syilx language holders who say that capitalization implies a hierarchy of importance, which does  not align with syilx ethics.  Growing water insecurity, driven by climate change and its cascading effects in BC, has led to a recent declaration of a watershed emergency by the syilx Okanagan Nation Alliance (ONA). The alliance is a First Nations government “comprised of seven member communities in the Southern Interior of BC: Okanagan Indian Band, Osoyoos Indian Band, Penticton Indian Band, Upper Nicola Band, Upper and Lower Similkameen Indian Bands, and Westbank First Nation; and in Northern Washington State, the Colville Confederated Tribes,” according to the ONA website. The announcement comes after members of...

Block title

Threats to water security trigger emergency declaration by syilx Okanagan Nation

News Peak Web -
By: Tomos Land, Staff Writer Editor’s note: The Peak spells nsyilxcən words in lowercase in accordance with syilx language holders who say that capitalization implies a hierarchy of importance, which does  not align with syilx ethics.  Growing water insecurity, driven by climate change and its cascading effects in BC, has led to a recent declaration of a watershed emergency by the syilx Okanagan Nation Alliance (ONA). The alliance is a First Nations government “comprised of seven member communities in the Southern Interior of BC: Okanagan Indian Band, Osoyoos Indian Band, Penticton Indian Band, Upper Nicola Band, Upper and Lower Similkameen Indian Bands, and Westbank First Nation; and in Northern Washington State, the Colville Confederated Tribes,” according to the ONA website. The announcement comes after members of...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society