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‘National Geographic’ to follow Playboy into energy drink market

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CMYK-National Geographic

 

NEW YORK — Taking the logical next step for a magazine company facing the decline of print media, National Geographic has announced that they will soon be releasing their brand’s first ever energy drink.

Inspired by fellow periodical turned drink Playboy, National Geographic hopes that their new beverage National Geographic: Unnatural Energy can help further promote their brand and make them the fortune their boring, insightful, well-researched magazine never could.

“We really hope this works out — the whole magazine racket has gotten pretty tedious,” explained Declan Moore, National Geographic society and magazine president. “An energy drink will be so much easier. No more travelling or researching and we definitely won’t have to proofread anything since no one would drink these things if people actually looked at the label.”

While the drink has not yet been created, Moore has already developed an iconic yellow can and hopes consumers of energy drinks are as stupid as he assumes and will buy their product based on recognition alone.

While the actual flavour is expected to essentially be a direct copy of the Playboy Classic drink, according to Moore, it would not be the first time they’ve copied from Playboy.

“The TV channel, the interesting articles, the naked people . . . we got it all from them,” Moore explained, “now, I know we may not be as sexy as Playboy, but we guarantee that just like everything else we produce our energy drink can be just as effective in getting the job done as theirs, as long as you keep an open mind.”

Moore also speculated on the future of a ‘print-to-drink’ trend in media by saying, “Playboy is the biggest innovator in our industry and I wouldn’t be surprised to see every magazine become some sort of energy drink within the next five years, if not sooner.”

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society