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What Grinds Our Gears: One-uppers

Stop trying to garner my sympathy

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ILLUSTRATION: Alyssa Umbal / The Peak

By: Alex Ileto, SFU Student

POV: You’re enjoying a light-hearted conversation with your friends, talking about little nuances and funny interactions from your day. You mention you didn’t sleep well this morning. Your friends express pity except for that one person — the one person who makes your day so much worse than it has to be. “Try 20 minutes of sleep while your roommate plays Minecraft until 7:00 a.m.!” OKAY. Let me complain in peace! 

The typical one-upper is known to boast their wins and exaggerate their losses to receive as much praise and pity from those listening. 

Did you miss the bus this morning? The one-upper was actually run over by theirs. Did your TA roast you during your presentation? Their  TA actually set them on fire during theirs. Did you struggle with last week’s homework? Well, guess what? Not only did the one-upper’s dog eat their homework, but they also punched them in the face 14 times, cyberbullied them on Reddit, and rizzed up the one-upper’s girlfriend. 

Having a conversation with a one-upper is equivalent to talking to a wall that hates you — they never listen and couldn’t care less about your feelings. So next time you encounter a one-upper, respond with silence and a straight face. Without any praise or pity, they will most likely give up on their need for validation, allowing you to peacefully carry on the conversation without the fear of being one-upped.

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