By: Zainab Salam, Concerned Staff Writer
Dear Hannah (The Peak’s News Editor),
I write to you today as both a concerned member of the SFU student body and a staff writer for The Peak. With every passing day, I become more convinced that we must deviate from our current approach to journalism — fact-based, unbiased, legally sound — and find a more enthralling manner of sharing the news. Simply put, it is time to put the fake back in the news section of The Peak! If we have to trample over Canada’s libel laws to get there, so be it.
I realize this may sound extreme. But ask yourself: When was the last time a meticulously accurate article about the Board of Governors moved you to tears? When did a careful summary of transit policy stir something deep in your soul? Yes, that’s right, NEVER! But imagine this headline: “SFU administration revealed to be a single wizard in a cloak: ‘Budget cuts are an illusion,’ says source.” Now that’s some cool shit.
To me, news should be a gossip session. Spill the tea and meet no ramifications, or maybe do. Honestly, who cares? If the last paragraph doesn’t hit me with “xoxo, gossip peakie,” what are we even writing the article for? I need to end up more confused than I started. Don’t clarify, don’t expand — and if you have a source for your claim, don’t cite it. Make me work for it!
To show that I am not alone in my yearning for fake news, I cornered a recovering News Writer, and present Humour Editor, Mason, while he was rushing to his Theoretical Physical Education course.
Interview Transcript:
Q: Mason, what are your thoughts on fake news?
Mason: Honestly, I wish I had written more of it while working in news. I was bound by the ethical constraints of “journalistic integrity” and “laws,” but if I could go back, I would’ve made up at least 30 things a week in my pieces.
Q: Do you regret not embracing libel?
Mason: Every day. Libel is the only path to freedom. Real journalism has a spirit. Libel is how we thrive.
Q: What advice would you give the News Editor?
Mason: Free yourself. Ditch the fact-checking. Leave your ethical standards in a recycling bin behind Renaissance. Create chaos. Journalism should be dangerous, not accurate. It should be something you’re legally advised not to print. If your source says “no comment,” just make one up. Let lawyers fear us, loathe us, be annoyed by us! It’s time to take a stand and rebel.
Mason’s wisdom is hard to ignore. He spoke with the conviction of a man who once tried to cite a Reddit comment as a primary source.
I believe with the adoption of more baseless claims, we will be at the forefront of everyone’s minds. Imagine the joy, the confusion, the cease-and-desist letters! Imagine The Peak standing proudly as the province’s, nay, the nation’s most sued student paper.
I thank you for your time, and I hope you’ll consider liberating student media from its fact-based cage. After all, if we don’t lie in the service of the truth, who will?
Sincerely,
Zainab Salam
Staff Writer @ The Peak
