A sad pile of luscious Liberal locks is single and ready to mingle. The Trudeau-Obama bromance was too hot to handle, but with Obama wanting to move on and “see other people,” we’re all left hanging in an uncomfortable limbo.
Thankfully, there is a new world leader on the table. He’s tall, orange, and kind of out of shape.
The Trudump ship is about to sail. So get on board, kiddos, this is a bromance that will go down in history. One is only left to imagine their first date . . .
5 p.m.
Trudeau waits eagerly at the door. His uncertainty about this date only rivals his uncertainty about keeping his campaign promises to amend Bill C-51, usher in a new electoral system that’s just and democratic, and end the extremely biased pipeline review process. This handsome stud just doesn’t know what he wants.
6 p.m.
Trump is late. He accidentally went to pick up Ivanka first, but then remembered she’s his daughter and he can’t date her. Honest mistake.
7 p.m.
Trudump arrives at the restaurant. After much back and forth, they both agreed upon a Mexican place, because who can say no to guac’?! Trump wonders if the cook is really sending their best tacos to the customers. Trump tries explaining to Trudeau that when the cook makes tacos, he keeps the best ones for himself and only sends the bad ones out to guests.
8 p.m.
Trudump finishes eating and decides to take a walk. A slight November breeze brushes past Trump’s cheek. “We need global warming,” he exclaims, looking passionately into Trudeau’s eyes, which are deeper than Trump’s list of tax-evading strategies.
9 p.m.
Trump walks Trudeau to his door. Trudeau thanks him for dinner, and stresses how glad he is that they have shared interests. Trudeau is a little nervous: he isn’t sure if he needs to grab him by the penis, or if he should wait for Trump to make the first move. To break the tension, Trudeau pulls friendship bracelets out of his pocket. “I <3 NAFTA,” they read in brightly coloured beads. Trump declines, calling him a “nasty man.”
10 p.m.
Trudeau sits alone in his room and reaches for the phone. Trudeau has been thinking long and hard if he wants to maintain this unfortunate, long-term partnership. He dials up the Queen. . . “Mummy, I’m ready to come home now.”
