Wooboo: Sunburns
Getting sunburnt is absolutely the best feeling in the world, and you know it. Just stop and think about it for a second.
A sunburn means that you’ve actually succeeded in tanning; it’s hard work laying on your back and stomach garnering no seeable results. It can be downright disheartening sometimes. A sunburn is like hitting the speed boost in Mario Kart; it gets you closer to the bronze.
Secondly, just think about how your body responds to a patch of scorched tissue. It fluctuates between feelings of stinging heat followed by the most transcendent chilling body shivers anyone could ever ask for. It is a lot like taking shower with a little sibling turning the tap water on and off. At first it’s annoying, but afterwards — pure bliss.
Finally, a sunburn allows you to get that sensual aloe vera back massage you always dreamed about receiving. So blast some Bob Marley and take it easy, because today your pain is your gain.
Boohoo: Sunburn Tattoos
This month we were introduced to another facepalm-inducing trend, continuing the spirited tradition of greatly avoidable stupidity. Ladies and gentlemen, bear witness to maybe the dumbest one yet: sunburn tattoos.
Yes, people are actually using the sun to burn everything from intricate kaleidoscopes and flowers to smiley faces onto their pasty white bodies.
Adult males in particular are burning Batman logos onto their chest in what I can only assume is an ill-conceived audition to be Gotham’s savior. Let me be brutally honest with you blokes: we neither need you nor do we deserve you. I would not trust you to guard my empty beer bottle.
Worse still, these simple-minded buffoons are increasing their risk of melanoma. Is it really worth getting skin cancer for a dumb trend? Look, children, if you were looking to do something stupid that would not be of detriment to your health, you should have just invested in Bitcoin.
