So, you tanked your first semester and, given the GPA priority on enrolment dates, you got last pick of courses for the spring. You got stuck with what no one else wanted: the 8:30 am tutorial, the three-hour break at the Surrey campus, the Friday evening class that runs until 10:30 pm. The gap between your classes Tuesday night and Wednesday morning is so slight that you’re considering spending the night on the benches in the Rotunda instead of dragging yourself to Burquitlam and back again.
In short: you need a drink. Only problem is, thanks to your $250 textbook for Intro to Macroeconomics, you’re temporarily light on boozing money. Never fear: these simple and cheap cocktails — easy to make with readily available on-campus ingredients — will keep you both steadily inebriated and fiscally solvent.
The Ides of March
> 4 packets White Spot ketchup
> 1 packet pepper
> 1 packet salt
> 1/2 cup water
> 1 oz. vodka
The perfect liquid courage for your midterm exams. Cover rim of plastic Triple-O’s cup with salt. Add water and stir in packets of ketchup, one at a time. It’s not quite Clamato, but it will do. Add vodka and season with pepper to taste. For garnish, ask the cashiers for one of those pickles they usually drape over the wrapped burgers. If they refuse, tell them you know the ingredients of their secret sauce.
The President Petter
> 3 oz. bourbon
> 1 oz. water
Drink what the big boss drinks. This cocktail takes the edge off of early morning finance meetings, faculty interactions, and those tedious Convocation speeches. Serve in an “Engage SFU” coffee mug. You could garnish with a lime wedge, but garnish is for vice-presidents.
The Five Corners
> 1/2 oz. Renaissance drip coffee
> 1/2 oz. Higher Grounds drip coffee
> 1/2 oz. Nature’s Garden drip coffee
> 1/2 oz. Tim Horton’s drip coffee
> 1/2 oz. Starbucks drip coffee
> 2 oz. Bailey’s
When served warm, this drink is a great way to ward off the chill of foggy SFU mornings. Or, serve over ice for a cool, refreshing variation. Given the difficulty of finding ice on campus, you might have to settle for room temperature. Cheers!
The Virgin Petter
> 4 oz. water
A gentler version of the classic for those who can’t quite fill the big man’s shoes.
The White Mowafaghian
> 1 oz. Tim Horton’s “espresso”
> 3 packets of CoffeeMate powdered creamer/sweetener
> 1 oz. dark rum
> 1 oz. vodka
> 1 oz. milk
Stir CoffeeMate and rum vigorously into the rapidly congealing espresso until mixture thickens. Pour the syrup over ice stolen from the faculty lounge, and add vodka and milk. Stare into the abyss.
