Glass jars
The first time I saw someone drinking out of a jar, it was my grandmother, who was visiting from Serbia. I laughed at her, because, c’mon, Grandma . . . that’s what mugs are for. I mean the handle was invented like 200 years ago. Now, before you label me a terrible person for laughing at the elderly, in my defence, it was behind her back. Lately, though, I’ve been seeing a lot of artsy-type people drinking out of jars. What is up with that? It doesn’t keep your drink at the desired temperature like a stainless steel bottle or a thermos, it spills everywhere, and it’s made of glass. That limits your scope of activities by a lot. Dear hipster on the bus: you don’t look bohemian. You look like a peasant.
People with two last names
No, a hyphen doesn’t make it okay. I’m sorry you were the child of divorce, or your parents were all progressive, or you’re Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Adam Ovenell-Carter, but you have to pick one. What happens when you hitch your wagon to some other double-named navel gazer? At some point you’re going to have to cut back a few of those. There are some things to consider when cutting names, like which side of your family do you like better? You don’t want to accidentally keep your creepy uncle’s name if you can help it! Also, is one of your last names really a first name, as in the case of Gordon-Levitt? If so, drop it! Joseph Levitt sounds great!
