By: Isabella Urbani, Sports Editor 

This piece goes out to all my fellow glass-wearers. 

My glasses are practically glued to my face, and yet, at the end of each day when I take them off to sleep, there’s always so much dirt on the lenses: pesty little lashes that mock the dwindling numbers on my eyelids, eye crusties, and a ridiculous sheen of oil and sweat on the frames. 

Sure, okay — I guess I could pull out my handy-dandy eyeglass wipes and clean them off at the end of each day or whenever the dirt gets so bad it appears as floaters in my vision. That’s a realistic option. But bugs? Absolutely fucking not. How, you ask? How does a bug manage to press itself in the minimal space between my glasses and FRICKIN’ EYELID? YEAH, I’LL TELL YOU HOW. 

Blind spots. My glasses may be snug on my nose, but the gaping spaces on the sides of my face? Bugs mistake it for an invitation to my barbecue because they’re ALL UP IN MY GRILL. 

It doesn’t happen often, but a chill goes down my spine even imagining the little buzzing sounds their little wings make when they get too close to my ear. Imagine hearing that sound, and then feeling those wings flap against your eye. 

I’m one bug in my glasses away from feeling no remorse this summer when I sentence them to death after I accidentally leave the bathroom window open again, just to smush them.