By: Monica Branch

Before you can spook around, you have to figure out what ghost you’ll be — since not everyone can be Danny Phantom and switch between human and ghost form, tracking down evil creatures in a skin-tight outfit. Get ready for the afterlife now, or return to the dirt.

Add up your points to discover which apparition you are!

1. Where are you haunting? 

1.  I like to float about to different places (+1)
2. At a school or home where I’ve spent most of my mortal life (+4)
3. Forever haunting myself (+3)
4. Where I died, obviously (+2)

2. What will you miss most about mortal life?

1. The food for sure (+1)
2. The comfort of the human touch :’) (+4)
3. Wanting to die (+2)
4. Wi-Fi (+3)

3. How will you communicate with the living?

1. I will guide and help them (+4)
2. Probably scare the shit out of them (+3)
3. I won’t involve myself in issues of the living (+1)
4. Via christmas lights like Will Byers (+2)

4. Do you believe in ghosts?

1. Of course! (+4)
2. Lol, no way (+2)
3. I think I saw a ghost this one night . . . but also maybe not? (+1)
4. Obviously, I’m already just a shell of a person (+3)

5. Really important — why are you a ghost?

1. I have unfinished business (+2)
2. Savage in life, savage in death (+3)
3. Like Nearly Headless Nick, I am afraid of being truly dead (+4)
4. It’s fun (+1)

Results:

5–9 points

Chill Ghost

You will die a peaceful death, go with the flow, and enjoy the afterlife. You’ll make friends with a fun kid you can walk home from school with, and he’ll occasionally let you longingly cry over his Pizza Pops which are so damn spankin’ warm from the microwave that your weightless heart breaks since you can’t taste them.

10–12 points

Limbo Ghost

Whatever is going on with you, figure it out! Or else you’ll be wasting your time revisiting the same shitty people and places that you didn’t have time for in real life, when you could instead be haunting some place really cool, like a water park. You’re adaptable, so once those loose ends are dealt with you’ll get to travel between the human realm and the spirit world. Slither down to H-E-double hockey sticks and visit all the sinners. Other ghosts will be jealous that you get to travel around, and they’ll be ~dying~ to hear your stories.

13–16 points

Evil Phantom

Wherever you are haunting, word will travel fast of the spooky things that happen there. You’ll fuck around with the lights, swish a few curtains, and write messages on the wall in marker, lipstick, and anything red. You like to play games with mortals who wallow around pathetically. Pour kombucha down the throats of your enemies, and enjoy being free to fuck around with everyone who’s dumb enough to believe in and approach ghosts.

17–20 points

Li’l Basic Ghost

Do us all — living and dead — a favour and stop playing along with kids that still think it’s fun to mess around with Ouija Boards. Besides that, you’re alright and most ghosts can put up with your company. You would never disturb people on purpose . . . although you sometimes borrow magazines from those you “haunt” and, even if it creeps them out, you always put it back where you found it. Otherwise it’s stealing, right? Don’t worry about people finding out that you’re floating around the neighbourhood to find the house that’s watching your favourite Netflix Original.