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Spot the first-year

Just look for the students who still display joy

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Illustration by Emma Wu

By: Aaron Richardson

Students at SFU don’t always get along; we all like and hate different things. But now that fall has come around and school is beginning once again, there is one thing that we can all come together on: shaming the first-years.

The joy they have in life still lingers in their smiles and has yet to be drained by post-secondary education. Their bags are full of books, and their pencils are always sharpened.

Now, you might think that it would be difficult to spot a first-year among the many students at SFU, but nothing could be further from the truth. First-years consistently engage in behaviours suitable of their rank and station that make them stand out as below the rest of us. And what’s more, these are some of the behaviours we hate them for the most.

We thought there would be no better way to celebrate the beginning of the term than to compile a list of the behaviours guaranteed to label you as a first-year.

Taking pictures of raccoons (extra points if the raccoons are digging through the garbage)

Raccoons are as much a part of SFU’s personality as the greyness itself. Throughout your time at SFU, you learn to respect and fear them. Yet every year you’ll find a congregation of first-years taking pictures of them in one way or another. No, they are not cute. You’re literally taking pictures of them digging through the trash. Yes, they will give you rabies. Back the fuck away.

Getting lost in Robert C Brown

Let’s be honest: RCB is a nightmare to get around. We’ve all gotten lost in it at one time or another. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hilarious to see the looks of fear and confusion in the eyes of first-years when they can’t find their room and think they’re going to be late for class.

Being prepared for class

Come on. Seriously? Who are they trying to impress?

Actually attending lectures

We can only hope they’ll learn the error of their ways eventually.

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