Home Humour Dear InstaCrush part two

Dear InstaCrush part two

Return of the intense thirst

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Illustration by Tiffany Chan

read Dear Instacrush part 1 here!

Dear @InstaCrush,

It has happened. Our paths have crossed — and not just because I’ve scrolled to the end of your Instafeed for the upteenth time. No, we have met in real life and holy moly, you are so much hotter in person. In the words of my friend who was with me, “HOLY . . . that’s a ten.”

You were tall and handsome, and you knew it. You wouldn’t stop looking at me and winking while simultaneously having eye sex with the entire bloody room. It wasn’t even slick, either. One minute we’d be making eyes at each other then the next minute you’d be winking at my friend who was right next to me?!? WHAT IS THIS?!? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL.

Did the likes on my comments mean anything? Were the hearts and winky face emoji responses just for show? I thought we had a connection . . . I thought we had something real! Granted, this may all be in my head, but come on? I’m not dumb. Or at least I don’t think I am.

Now don’t get me wrong: I knew for a fact that every girl (and probably some guys) in that room were ready to give it all to you. A date. A kiss. Their first-born child. But not me — I was determined to be the one girl that you looked at and wanted but couldn’t get. Kinda like me looking at a picture of Rihanna while doing my daily squats and knowing damn well that I cannot be thique like her. I digress.

The point is I wanted you to work for my attention. The only problem is you were even MORE gorgeous in person, and I was going to have to fight reaaaal hard to make this happen. It didn’t help that my friends were gassing me up and making me think that you couldn’t take your eyes off of me. I’m not really sure if that’s true or not — but that’s the way I’m telling the story. So shut your beautiful face.

But what is this? A notification?

Oh my gosh. You just followed me and liked one of my very rare selfies. Does this mean that you in fact knew who I was as we gazed across the room? Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you come over and talk to me? I mean, this is probably for the better as you’re SO gorgeous that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, and I’d probably end up blathering like a baby. However, I can’t help but wonder. The one downside of you following me is that I now have to only post fire selfies. I can’t post an OK selfie ever again. They always have to be fly. You’re not gonna catch me slippin’.  

I don’t know if we’re actually going to happen in real life. I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but I also don’t think that I’d be rushing it to happen. Like we’ve established, you seem to be a bit full of yourself and ooze major f*ckboy vibes. However, if you are ready to put that to a stop and want to take a queen seriously, then slide into my DMs.

You will be waiting at least two hours before I respond.

Love,

@TheGraceRose

read Dear Instacrush part 3 here!

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