“Me Too” – Meghan Trainor
Meghan Trainor’s “Me Too” is the most painful thing I heard in 2016 — and that’s being nice. The chorus is just “If I was you, I’d wanna be me too” repeated multiple times. Did Trainor sit down with her producers and think, “You know what would be a great idea? A song insulting my entire fan base!” This song is three minutes of her bragging about how great her “rich and famous” lifestyle is, and it perfectly shows how she’s fallen to the trappings of fame.
“M.I.L.F $” – Fergie
Fergie, stop trying to be cool. You haven’t been cool as a solo artist since 2006. “M.I.L.F $” makes my ears bleed. I understand you want to show the world that moms can still be fun and flirty, but is “You got that, you got that, you got that milk money. I got that, I got that, I got that MILF money” really the way to do it? You’re just setting yourself up for ridicule.
“Work from Home” – Fifth Harmony
Fifth Harmony wrote a song about needing sex so much they’d rather their men be fired and “work from home,” a.k.a. please them in bed. This is a terrible metaphor. These girls can produce much better music than a song where “work” is repeated 106 times.
“Gold” – Kiiara
Apparently Kiiara either could not be bothered, or could not think of more lyrics for this song because the chorus is just random words pieced together from the verses. The chorus is also indistinguishable by ear. “Gold” relies on reverb and choppily structured beats for the melody, which isn’t pleasant. Add in some high hats, and you’ve got yourself a bad pop song.
“On My Mind” – Ellie Goulding
Ellie Goulding tried to write a diss track. It didn’t turn out so well. She tried her hand at rapping. It also didn’t turn out so well. This song is a poor attempt at getting back at Ed Sheeran for his brilliant track “Don’t.” The lyrics are weak with the chorus just being “Why I got you on my mind” repeated. The melody is the same three-second synth riff looped over and over again.
“Treat You Better” – Shawn Mendes
Shawn just wants what’s best for this girl that he has a crush on. . . which is, apparently, to be with him. This is another pathetic nice guy anthem where he seems to know all the reasons why the current boyfriend of a girl is a shithead. How can you prove you’re a better guy, Shawn? Is it just supposed to be because you say you are?
“No” – Meghan Trainor
“No” is supposed to be a feminist song telling a guy to back off because she doesn’t need him to have fun at a club. However, it just makes her sound like she’s basing her opinions of men only on their appearances, which is incredibly shallow.
“Starving” – Hailee Steinfeld, Grey ft. Zedd
The verses here are passable. The chorus however, is a mess. “I didn’t know that I was starving ’til I tasted you” makes Steinfeld seem like someone who needs a man to make her feel something. What happened to the “I don’t need a man to give me pleasure” message?
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