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Help wanted: seeking redshirt for intergalactic space exploration

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Illustration by Ariel Mitchell

Have you ever looked up at the stars and thought, “I wish I could be a part of an intergalactic space exploration, and hopefully live long enough to tell my folks back home about it?” Do you thrive in stressful situations where others might falter? Does the thought of weekly danger excite you? Then you might have what it takes to become a member of our team.

The Starship Enterprise is now accepting applications for the position of junior redshirt to help with upcoming, low- to medium-stakes missions to strange and exciting new worlds. No prior experience is required for this position; just show up on time, and be ready to learn and not overly attached to this corporeal world; we’ll take care of the rest.

This is a dynamic, fun position in an inclusive and welcoming environment. The redshirt is an important part of our organization, which is always expanding.

Responsibilities for a redshirt include tagging along on missions without clear intent, maybe scanning some plants or something in the background while our more senior staff engages in expository dialogue, and mostly just standing around until shots are inevitably fired at someone.

Please note that some travelling for work is required with this position. A travel allowance will be allotted in addition to the regular salary.

The successful candidate will be soft-spoken, not very memorable, and will excel at existing almost entirely in the background. Applicants should be able to work independently or as part of an away team. Preference will also be given to candidates who aren’t afraid of making sacrifices for the sake of the greater good.

Unfortunately, people leaving behind any loved ones, on the off chance that the hired candidate will be pulverized by an enemy phaser or accidentally mauled to death by a space monster, will not be considered for the position.

With that said, please remember that no previous experience is necessary. We would be more likely to hire someone who fits the above description than someone who has a lot of experience and might even be bold enough to try and take away valuable screen time from any of our series regulars. This is an entry-level position with little room for advancement within our particular organization.

A work uniform is mandatory and will be provided, though we require a small, non-refundable deposit.

An opportunity as exciting as this only comes around once in a lifetime. Don’t miss your chance to become a part of Starfleet history and play a role in space exploration — even if that role is inconsequential and primarily relegated to the background.

This is a full-time temporary position with an end date TBD.

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