If you have ever done poorly on an exam, then you will be able to relate to the internal conflicts resulting from the procession of friends asking to hear your mark. Personally, I have been faced with two not so pleasant options: either giving it out and being reminded of my self-inflicted inadequacy, or being perceived as rude, not wanting to share.
After a particularly humiliating experience involving an organic chemistry midterm on which I received a lower mark than all of my friends, I realized that keeping your marks to yourself is not rude. Going around and asking everyone for his or her grades, though, is.
After the exams are handed back and the professor explains the distribution of the marks, there is really nothing to gain by asking other people about their grades. We are simply going through these inquiries to compare ourselves to others. This succeeds only in perpetuating the unhealthy type of stress-inducing competition which so often occurs among university students.
While competition is inevitable in a system in which we are all distributed along a curve, it doesn’t mean that we have to know who is where. Understanding where you fit among your peers is entirely enough information to let you know if you need to study harder or get some extra help. By comparing each other directly we are not accomplishing anything to help one another and we are failing to make university a more welcoming experience.
Perhaps my “bad” mark is your “great” one. But neither of us needs to know what each others’ are.
Furthermore, if you do well on a test, that doesn’t mean that everyone has to hear about that amazing grade. Proclaiming it to the world isn’t necessary. If I didn’t ask about it, I probably do not want to know. Don’t get me wrong: I am not shaming those who succeed. If you think you did well and want to share, then say so! If you didn’t feel that you did well, also feel free to say so!
Marks are, after all, both relative and personal. Perhaps my “bad” mark is your “great” one. But neither of us needs to know what each others’ are. Flashing yours around or prying marks from people, no matter how innocent in intention, isn’t necessary, as yours are yours and mine are mine.
If you need to make small-talk after an exam, here are a few alternatives to putting another student in a possibly uncomfortable position. Say: Are you happy with your mark on the exam? Or, Did you do as well as you thought you did?
In university, let’s change the way we ask about each others’ grades. Let’s take this first step towards making an environment of support, rather than one of egotistical competition.
