While the world might be abuzz about Google’s latest essential innovation, a computer that you can wear on your face, Google Glass isn’t alone in the creepy, silly-looking technology marketplace. Although they haven’t received as much public attention as Glass, Google’s competitors are also hoping to get a product on your face as early as next year. Here’s a look at some of the most exciting Google Glass-esque products soon to be owned by the few idiots who for some reason don’t use Google.
1. Bing Binoculars
While certainly not as popular as Google Glass, Bing Binoculars are essentially the exact same thing except they won’t be released until many years after Google’s product has become firmly planted as the standard wearable computer. Bing Binoculars only real unique differences are that they are much less convenient to use and people will make fun of you if you use them in public.
Key Feature: As they are “binoculars”, Bing has included a feature that allows users to look ahead and into a future in which “Bing” no longer exists.
Estimated Cost: Free, just use it . . . please!
2. Yahoo Contact Lenses
Yahoo’s take on Google Glass is the Yahoo Contact Lenses which was designed to take into account the shame of Yahoo users and gives you the ability to check your Yahoo or
RocketMail e-mail account, on-the-go, without anyone having to know that you use a Yahoo or RocketMail e-mail account.
Key Feature: Since Yahoo now owns Tumblr, the Lenses will probably have some sort of new feature that doesn’t seem very special and you probably won’t understand it, but its going to be really popular with teenage girls for some reason.
Estimated Cost: Pretty cheap but includes splash-page advertising which can be dangerous when you’re walking down a busy street.
3. Ask Jeeves Monocle
Ask.com (formerly AskJeeves.com) has brought back their stuffy butler image with the high tech Ask Jeeves Monocle. Despite being much more inconvenient than just saying keywords, the Monocle requires all commands to be asked in the form of a question. The most common questions tracked so far during their limited release include: “Why did I waste so much money on this stupid monocle?”; “Exactly how big of an asshole do I look like right now?”; “Does this thing still work after falling onto the ground?”; and “How can I exchange this for Google Glass?”
Key Feature: Its frame can be fitted with any of your prescription monocle lenses.
Estimated Cost: Standard monocle price.
4. Reddit Self-Superiority Spectacles
While not exactly a competitor of Google, popular social news and entertainment website, reddit, has also been collectively designing their own glasses. While the Reddit Self-Superiority Spectacles have been described by members of the site as “the greatest invention EVER” and have a ton of “up votes,” the glasses actually do very little other than make people feel as if they’re a lot smarter than everyone else while the device mostly just flashes stupid memes in their eyes.
Key Feature: The spectacles “ask me anything” button, which is really the only reason to ever wear them.
Estimated Cost: About $25 (With an additional $15 for each “sub-specs”)
5. Webcrawler Hat
The Webcrawler Hat is a baseball hat that says “Webcrawler” on it.
Key Feature: A brim.
Estimated Cost: The Webcrawler Hat is only available to Webcrawler.com workers.
The Rest . . .
Here’s a few more Google Glass competitors that didn’t make the top five.
Blogspot Bifocals
McAfee Safety Goggles
Craigslist Secondhand Google Glass
Linkedin Telescope
